I was drinking fireball cinnamon whiskey
and it was the first time I had dark liquor
and I was throwing that shit back.
Maybe a hour and a half later
I was throwing it up
along with the meat lover’s pizza
that I drunkenly said was the best pizza I’d ever had.
And I was laying flat on the bathroom floor
like a star
texting my friend
about how I love this girl that was there
and I was damn near crying
because she doesn’t love me.
she really likes my best friend
and always has
but like clockwork it always left me wanting to leave
so I closed my eyes
in hopes that I wouldn’t have to see it.
Thankfully, nothing happened.
I was so drunk that walking was synonymous with falling
but before she left
I summoned enough balance to stand in front of her.
It reminded me of the old times we had
and low from the throat of my heart
in her ear
through her thick brown strands of hair
"I missed you so much"
and I meant it
and I held on
and with my eyes closed.
It was at that moment I wanted to kiss her
and I would have if she looked me in the eyes before she left
I feel sick to the stomach
and I’m wondering
is it from throwing up delicious pizza
is it from knowing
she won’t ever love me
like I think I love her.